I don't really know where to begin today's entry. Nothing special happened today.
Oh actually, you know what, I know what to tell you first. SO last night, I think it was around 2am. It was when I was about to head to bed and I was laying down my floor duvet (yes I do not sleep on a bed, I sleep on a 요) I saw a cockroach crawling right next to my wardrobe. It immediately stopped moving as soon as I spotted it. And a) I was surprised at how it just knew I was watching and b)GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BEDROOM. I reached for my 'Dior in Vogue' book and smashed that motherfucker. It was as if someone flashed in front of me and their pubic hair spelled out BITCH, SUMMER IS HERE!!!!!!
Yeah, it's very that.
Anyways. Today was another wake-up-when-you-feel-like-it kind of day. It was great haha It definitely doesn't feel like two days before the opening of my show. It's crazy. I do have concerns but also I'm pretty relaxed about it. I think I said that yesterday too. I'm just mostly scared about disappointing people to be really honest. Though I don't think anyone's coming in with high expectations. I've mostly reconnected (? I don't know if that's the right word here but anyways) with friends I didn't hear from for agesss because of this show. It's nice, but also adding to the pressure too. Remember what I said about replying to people yesterday? You can imagine the sheer veil of anxiety that comes with promoting my show. So yeah, that's about everything I have to say about my first ever solo show.
I was looking through some pictures from when I was studying in Goldsmiths, mostly my performance documentation but also just pictures from my daily life. And it made me realise how much I miss being a bit more fearless when it comes to self-expression. I know that sounds pretty cheesy but I just miss not giving a fuck about shaving my head or bleaching my eyebrows. I can't tell if I'm scared of doing that in Korea or if I'm scared of not being employable because of my appearance here or was Goldsmiths my fling of being reckless and is my current state a natural one for my age? Does that make sense? If I was doing a PhD in UK I think I would go back to how I was when I was living in London. But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. What I'm trying to say is that I just miss it.
To conclude today's blog entry, here's my todo list from today and a picture of me from 2017 taken by Dave (Dave was my first ever flatmate in the UK, I think he's the reason why I was able to adapt to the country as well as I did. I miss him).
Memorise lyrics of 'Hand in Hand' x
Write work explanation for Sangheeut ✓
Write an email to Richard - still not done!!!