Hello:)
It's been a while.
Quite a lot happened since my last entry - I took down my show at sangheeut, Ben visited Korea, 2020 Tokyo Olympics, booked in for my first vaccination, been applying for jobs and open calls, oh and the world somehow managed to get worse than the beginning of 2021! Wow, how did this happen? I can't tell if I've been stuck with making new work because of me not trying hard enough or if I'm becoming more and more sick of not being able to do anything about what's happening around me and being in a field that no matter how hard people try will inherently be elitist?
I've been questioning my career a lot since few days ago. Since Ben went back to the UK, we've been trying to figure out how to stay together so we are in the very early stages of putting together a long term plan. One of them included doing a Phd together around the same time. I've been thinking about doing a Phd since my second year of BA. I think it just felt natural if I was going to stay in the art world, I thought it would bring me stability. When I got into the residency that I'm current a part of, I promised myself I'll focus on my practice for the next two years and apply for a Phd. I just have to endure the next two years of (emotional/financial) uncertainty to gain what could be a huge bonus to my future. But then I'm not really making new work since then? What if I'm not able to make new work? What if I do hold on to my art and squeeze things our till next year and they're not good enough for a Phd or any residency/exhibition?? What happens then after I "wasted" the two years thinking I was prepping for a Phd?? If I give up on art now and try and get employed then atleast I'll be financial stable? And I guess this'll make it a bit harder for me and Ben to live in the same country but what if I try for a Phd for few years and I just don't get it? Now that's worse! I really don't know what to do. I guess I should just stop thinking about it and apply for stuff see what happens. OH and also work on the sangheeut merch too!!! Yeah that's urgent. Also just gotta push something out for this residency's final exhibition in October. Fingers crossed for a breakthrough. I gotta work harder. Get a structure and focus.
This morning's been a pretty anxious one for me. Thanks for letting me vent it out. I should go back to my MMCA residency application!
To conclude today's blog entry, here's my todo list from today and photo of bear on a steeeck by Ben.
TODO
!!!!!! get my shit together !!!!!!!! 𝗫
