It’s weird that I even thought of starting a blog.
I’m more than scared to show my writings to anyone. Not that I ever wrote for pleasure, it’s mostly been university assignments, applications, keeping daily logs during that one internship for five months, and for my art. Well I guess the last one counts as pleasure. It’s getting harder and harder to read back on my artistic (? whatever that means) writings, it just started to cringe me outtt. So I’m hoping this daily entries will fix that.
Anyways, I was thinking “why am I starting a blog when I’m this scared of people reading what I write?” Then I realized writing in a diary feels a bit like performing without audiences. It’s definitely possible, but I just know I’ll perform better if I find a way to “publish” it in one way or another. I know, extremely contradictory! But I can’t help it. Imagine me trying to perform in my bedroom during my MFA programme when the first COVID lock down happened, I couldn't even sing a song properly with just myself around. It’s hard to convince myself to indulge in an activity that doesn’t directly contribute to my career and my future - in a monetary way of course.
So, in order to get rid of the fear of the possibility that my writings will be read by someone (or maybe not), I just convinced myself that my blog entries are just another drop in a pool of blog entries and no one will notice that I pissed in the pool. And this is also a good exercise to be okay with spending time on something that cannot turn into a line on my CV.
I'm pretty excited to start writing on daily basis. I'm getting consumed by visual distractions (currently, I'm rewatching Paradise PD on Netflix) and this blog will be a good excuse for me to take time out from my day to be alone in silence and write about which ever the fuck I want to write about.
To conclude my first ever blog entry, here's my todo list for today and a photo of 갈비만두 I had in 이태원 at 11:43AM.
Go for dermatologist appointment ✔
Refine the translated version of my aunt's research proposal 𝗫
Hoover the house 𝗫